I Love Lucy: Lucy Meets Tarzan
by zooman
Summary: Lucy goes on safari in Kenya and has one crazy adventure after another!


I Love Lucy: Lucy Meets Tarzan

PROLOGUE-WESTPORT CONNECTICUT-1975

_The large, yellow and white house (yellow walls, white roof), made a splash of colour against the night sky backdrop. It was a calm, spring night out._

_Inside the home, Lucy Ricardo lay in her bed in her pink night gown, on her back in pitch darkness. She lay quietly on her back, alone, with her eyes closed. She had both her hands on her forehead. Her long red hair, streaked with gray, covered her shoulders. The creases on her face became deeper as her face took on an expression of becoming lost in thought about something. "It seems Ricky is working late again at his new club The Ricardo Number," Lucy thought to herself, while sighing. On the light brown dresser at the left side of the huge, dark blue bed and blankets, was a large full colour photo of Lucy and Ricky standing together against a black backdrop. Lucy wore a dazzling light blue dress, with shiny sequins, and Ricky wore a white business suit and tie. His long gray hair and beard seemed to be a nice colour combination with the whiteness of his suit. In the picture Ricky was grinning with his arms around Lucy's waist. Lucy was smiling. Her long gray and red hair flowing over her shoulders. "Everytime I go to that club, that nightclub comic who performs everynight there...Gary his name is?...he's always giving me the eye," Lucy thought amused to herself with a smile. Lucy turned over on her right side."I remember that one time, before I'd even met Ricky, when I was friends with that Suzie girl, and we'd decided to go on a world tour together on our summer vacation," Lucy was smiling broadly, as she began snoring, "but it wasn't so much fun when we made that trip to Africa in 39..."_

ACT ONE-MOMBASSA KENYA-1939

The cruise ship, the SS Jess Oppenheimer, was docked against the rough choppy seas that sunny morning in East Africa.

The very young Lucy McGillicuddy and her girlfriend Suzie Macnamara both bounded happily down the ship gang plank and onto the dock. It was a very sunny, humid day that Sunday morning. Both young women wore tan safari outfits and pith helmets and carried a large brown bag of luggage in their hands. there were quite a few people also walking down the plank and onto the docks and past Lucy and Suzie. There were several local kenyan black people standing around the docks chatting to each other quietly. "Well Lucy, what say we check into the hotel and then tomorrow start our safari together," suggested Suzie as she hauled her luggage with much difficult over the dock. "Fine by me," said Lucy as she too hauled her luggage, "right now I want a meal and to lie down for awhile."

As the two women stepped off the dock and onto the beach together, a tall good looking black man in a rather grimy looking black jacket and pants and shoes, suddenly approached the both of them as they stepped onto the sand. "Excuse me ladies," he greeted them in a strong swahili accent, "but you two girls are from the United States?" He made a slightly naughty grin as he looked the two women over. "Yes," smiled Lucy politely as she looked over the thirty something year old blackman. Suzie nodded at him. the wind rustling her long blonde hair. Lucy's hair was tied in a bun. "I'm Lucy," she answered nodding, "and this is my friend Suzie. We're on a world tour and decided to stop at Kenya for a safari." The black man let out a laugh as he leaned back a bit. People were all moving past the three of them, carrying luggage and moving quickly over the beach away from the dock. "We it's not safe to haul luggage over Kenya like you two are," the young black man warned the two women, "there are robbers about and muggers and thieves." The blackman gave a rather naughty expression on his face as he told the Lucy and Suzie. Lucy and Suzie just looked at each other concerned. "We don't understand," Lucy said to the blackman, confused now. "What tourists in Kenya do is that they hire a private porter," the black man told the two young women with a cheshire cat grin, "otherwise robber could take your bags at knife point. So you hire a private porter to carry your bags for you." Lucy and Suzie both looked at the man with a mixture of worry, concern and confusion. The man reached into his pants pocket and took out a white business card. He handed the car to Lucy and Suzie. Both women took the card. RYAN DOMINO PRIVATE PORTER, CARRY YOUR BAGS FOR YOU, 3.40 PER HOUR, it read in red letters on the white card. Lucy and Suzie both stared down at the card. "You shouldn't risk your bags being taken off of you by a robber, hire a private porter." The man pointed to himself while chuckling at the two women. Lucy and Suzie both looked up confused at the young blackman. "You can be hired as...uh...private porter?" Suzie asked the smug looking blackman. "I can. It wouldn't be safe for you to carry them." "Well we're staying at the Mercy Hotel," Lucy told him. "I know where that is," the man assured them, " I can drop it off there. Believe me it would be very unsafe for you to carry your bags yourself to your hotel. You be prey for bandits or robbers." Both women handed their heavy luggage to the young black man who took the bags in both arms. He then turned away from the two girls, and started moving quickly over the beach, past other tourists walking around. "You won't regret this," the man shouted over his shoulder, "you two are my first customers. My fleece." He waved to a taxi cab parked at the edge of the beach and jumped inside it. the cab drove off.

Lucy and Suzie just walked over the beach in the direction of some small buildings in the foreground. "It's nice that Kenya has such things has private porters for hire," Lucy turned her head and smiled at Suzie as both women strolled over the sands past hordes of other tourists and native black people chatting quietly amongst themselves. "Lucy, what did he mean, fleece?" Suzie asked her friend, as she tilted her pith helmet downwards. Lucy just shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know but it's nice that there's a service like that in Kenya," she said as she looked ahead. Lucy suddenly got an excited gleam in her eyes. She turned to look at Suzie. "Hey Suzie, did you hear that Johnny Weismuller is in Kenya making a new Tarzan picture!?" Suzie turned to look at Lucy with a grin. "Johnny Weismuller! You don't say! It would be awesome to meet him! I've seen all his pictures!" "Yeah he's fantastic!" admired Lucy as she kicked up some sand.

The two women reached the edge of the beach and walked towards and past all the small office buildings. The sun beat down upon them. "When we go on safari tomorrow we better extra careful of wild animals," Suzie warned her friend as she turned to look concerned at Lucy, "lions, buffalo, elephants..." Lucy just chuckled. "We're big girls Suzie," admonished Lucy as she turned to smile at her friend, "we can handle ourselves. Besides, we probably wouldn't taste very good." Both young women just laughed. They walked past some black people chatting amongst themselves, as they moved past the small buildings. "As soon as our luggage arrives, at the hotel then we can start on the safari adventure tomorrow," Suzie bragged with glee, "it'll be great."

Lucy and Suzie both stood at the counter in the reception area in the lobby of the Mercy Hotel. The burly, swarthy, arabian hotel clerk-he had short curly black hair and he wore a light blue suit, just stood looking down at the counter and shaking his head. The walls of the hotel were all light blue with dark brown furniture. Lucy and Suzie looked more than a little concerned at the man. "No ah sarry, no buggage hare," the man said in his strong arabian accent. "Are you sure?" asked Suzie worriedly. "Are you sure a Ryan...something or other...didn't drop off any bags for us?" Lucy inquired to the swarthy, burly arabian hotel clerk. The man just kept looking down at the counter and shaking his head. "Nah, nah, ah sarry bat no buggage hare." "We're going on safari tomorrow and we need our equipment," reminded Lucy as she leaned on the counter anxiously. "Nobody came?" Suzie asked the man again. The arabian looked at both women and sighed. "Nah, ah ba sarry, bat nah buggage hare." Lucy looked at Suzie. "Mabey he just got caught in traffic?" Lucy suggested.

Lucy and Suzie walked casually and tiredly into their gray walled small hotel room. They collapsed on their backs on the two gray blanketed beds in the room. the only other thing in the room was a table and chair. "When we're on safari tomorrow let's camp overnight," said Suzie as she raised herself up on her elbows. Lucy turned her head and smiled at her. "That would be fine," she said, "I always wanted to camp out in the african wild like that.""We just better be extra careful of cannibals," Suzie warned her friend. Lucy just laughed. "Cannibals, yeah right, hahahahhahahahahhah! As soon as the private porter drops off our luggage with all our equipment, we'll be ready to go."

Both women lay back down on the beds and were quiet for a few minutes, as they both looked up at the gray ceiling. "Do you think Maureen O Sullivan is with him?" Lucy asked at last. Suzie just shook her head. "Who?" she replied. Lucy sighed. "Johnny Weismuller." Suzie sat up on her elbows. "Oh yeah, well no Tarzan picture would be complete without her in it playing Jane," Suzie decided.

There was a knock on the door. "The private porter bringing our bags," Lucy concluded. Both women got up and walked over to the door to answer it. Their shorts and shirts both covered in beads of sweat. Lucy opened the door. Standing outside the door in the light blue coloured walled hotel corridor stood the burly, swarthy hotel clerk. "Ah wus jast asking if you two women would lake to have your dinner brought to your room or if you'd rather eat in da aotel dining room," he ran his hand over his face as he politely gave the offer with his heavy arabian accent. "We'll have our dinner brought up to us thank you," said Lucy, "say did our private porter come to the Mercy with our bags as yet?" Lucy asked him with a perplexed look on her face as she glanced at the arabian hotel clerk. The man just looked stunned and took a step back. "Pravate Parker?! he asked both young women, in his thick accent, with a big smile appearing on his swarthy features. "Yeah, we hired a private porter to bring all our bags to the hotel," persisted Suzie. "Look how hard can it be," asked Lucy sounding frustrated now as she looked and nodded at the arabian man, "we hired a private porter to bring all our luggage here! We're going on safari tomorrow and all our equipment in in our luggage!" "Ya hared a pravate parker!" the man said in his arabian, chuckling as he looked from one women to the next, "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The man laughed so hard he put his hand on his stomach and leaned back. "YA HARED A PRAVATE PARKER! ANOTHER ONE OF YOU TOURISTS WHO HARED A PRAVATE PARKER!" "He charged 3.40 an hour!" Lucy told the laughing hotel clerk with an angry look spreading on her face. The man laughed even harder. "Is he in the lobby right now waiting to be paid?" Lucy asked frustrated, "how can we go on safari without our equipment?! Suzie just looked angry at the laughing arabian. "Do you think Lawrence of Arabia ever had to deal with him?" Lucy asked sarcastically. The hotel clerk just kept laughing louder than ever, untill he finally had to sit down on the light blue carpet of the hallway. "YOU HARED A PRAVATE PARKER! THE TWENTIETH TARIST THIS MANTH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The man looked up at the ceiling as he laughed out the words in his strong arabian accent, "MABE HE GOT FLAT TIRE!?HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" "What's so so funny?" Lucy asked the laughing arabian man, "is our private porter waiting in the lobby and he wants a check?"

ACT TWO-

Lucy and Suzie walked in frustration down the street, past rows of houses, that sunny day the next morning. They both still wore their brown safari outfits and pith helmets. they both wore dark green backpacks. "I didn't want to have to shell out more money to buy new equipment!" shouted Suzie in anger, as the two of them moved past some black people wandering about the neighborhood. Lucy looked really mad. Her lips pouted. "We must have been the upteenth tourists to fall for that scam," she muttered angerly to her friend, "it cost me another 800 bucks for new equipment!" Lucy shouted the word equipment. Both young women walked in total anger and frustration. "Look let's just get on with our safari and forget the whole thing. I had to wire my folks to send us the money for this new safari/camping equipment and I'm not happy about it!" Suzie pouted restlessly.

Hours later the two women got off the green bus that stopped at the edge of the vast, grassy veldt. The bus drove off leaving Lucy and Suzie to explore the gorgeous landscape on their own. They walked cautiously, while holding on tight to the straps of their large backpacks.

As they walked they saw a herd of elephants moving far away at the right side of them, they saw some rhinos standing way at the left side of them at one point, as they walked across the grass. they saw some crocodiles browsing in a river on another occasion and some hippos resting near a river on another time. The two women saw vultures circling overhead at one point. Another time they saw some giraffe.

Come sunset Lucy and Suzie both sat down on the grass and let their backpacks fall off their backs and on the ground. Both young women looked totally exhausted. "I think I read where Johnny is shooting the new Tarzan picture somewhere's about a quarter of a mile from here," Lucy remembered as she lay on her back, exhausted. She looked up at the darkening sky. "Well let's hope he swings by in our direction," Suzie said as she too lay on her back on the grass.

Just then the two women both heard a loud growling sound! Like that from a big cat! Lucy and Suzie both sat up with a start. Their mouths opened wide with fear! "That sounded like a lion!" shouted Lucy, her face cringing in fear. "It could be a lion yeah!" shouted Suzie, her whole face twitching in fear.

A large female leopard suddenly sauntered over towards the two women at the front of them. The big cat roared loudly as it rolled it's cat eyes from one women to the other. Lucy and Suzie just sat there shaking in horror as they both stared at the monster sized big cat! "Say, Suzie," Lucy said to her friend as she stared in shock at the oncoming leopard, "you didn't happen to pack a portable whip and chair did you?!" Lucy blurted out while shaking in fear. Suzie shot a glance at her friend, then turned her full attention back at the oncoming leopard. "Listen, Suzie, the one rule when faced with a wild animal is to stay calm and calmly walk away. The one rule is not to run. If you run, the cat will see that as a challenge and come after you." Lucy and Suzie both stared transfixed at the leopard. "Right, Lucy stay calm and don't run," Suzie repeated as if in a trance.

The leopard came even closer and roared more loudly. Both women got up screaming, and ran away from the leopard towards the left side of the veldt. The big cat roared and dived after them at top speed!

Both young women ran together, over the flat grassy terrain while waving their arms and screaming. The leopard was fast gaining on them. Both women were hypnotized with fear.

Lucy and Suzie finally came to a tall acaica tree. Both women climbed up the tree. Lucy first.

The leopard ran towards the tree and tried to jump up and catch the two women. Both Lucy and Suzie just hung on tightly to the tree and watched with fear as the female leopard kept jumping up and down and trying to get at them.

Eventually the leopard lost interest and just wandered off.

Lucy and Suzie both breathed a sigh of relief and jumped down from the tree. Both women hugged each other with relief. "That was close," panted Lucy nervously. "We were almost dinner," chuckled Suzie as she hugged Lucy. The two women took their hands off of each other and began walking away from the tree. "Let's just go back to our camp," said Lucy, as the two women walked calmly across the grass away from the tree, "and..." Lucy stopped talking as she saw something scary in front of her. Her jaw dropped. Her eyes opened wide with fear. Suzie apparently saw the same frightening thing and her eyes opened wide and her jaw dropped also.

Directly ahead of the two young women came a group of natives, their faces and bodies painted, they wore black loin cloths and they each carried long spears. They all spoke in a language which neither of the women could understand. All of the men and women natives all jumped up and down and pointed at Lucy and Suzie. "Now what?!" asked Suzie, sounding fearful for her safety.

As the two women got ready to run the natives completely surrounded them. They all spoke in their tribal language amongst themselves, and looked with interest at the newcomers."All we need now is Jungle Jim, "said Lucy as she looked about herself uneasily. Suzie just stared at the group in sheer terror. "I recognize that tribe Lucy," she told her friend as she stared at all the natives, "the Dimodale tribe. I read about them in National geographics, " Suzie explained frightfully. "Well I hope they're friendly," Lucy wished as she looked with fear all around herself, she spread her legs apart. "They're cannibals," Suzie broke the news to her friend. Lucy just fainted and fell over on her back!

ACT THREE-

Lucy and Suzie were standing in front of almost all the tribemen with spears aimed at the backs. A couple of tribesmen stood in front of them beside a gigantic brown, wooden melting pot! There was a giant cartoon face of a native tribesman on the front of the pot. A ladder was hung on the left side of the pot. Suzie just stood watching the two men standing front of her with a look of fear on her face, while Lucy stood looking through a small blue language phrase book-EASY TO LEARN DIMODALE, was the title of the book. "Ok here we go," Lucy told her friend, "I think I learned the right phrases." Lucy held the small pocket book up to her scared eyes. "Just tell them we mean them no harm and we are not an enemy tribe and we just want to be on our way," pleaded Suzie as she gazed with horror at the giant melting pot and the two men standing at the left side of the pot. The native men and women all chattered away in their native tongue which just sounded like alot of "BOOGAS WOOGAS!" or"LOYYYYTEWWWWWWWW!" LOYTEWWWWWWWWWWW!" Many of the tribesmen and women jumped up and down excitedly while waving their spears in both hands. "Ok here we go," said Lucy fearfully, her hands shaking. Her eyes very closely scanned the pages. "MOOOGA! TOMA! LOOO! KOOOOOOOOOOO TOLYYYYYYYYYY!" Lucy shouted the words as she looked up from the pocket book. The natives all went completely silent. Suzie turned to look with astonishment at her friend, who just kept staring down at the pages of the pocketbook. "What did you think you said?" Suzie asked her unnerved. Lucy shook her head and looked at Suzie. "I told them we are not the enemy and that we are peaceful and want to be left alone what did you think I said?" Suzie just looked straight up and let a very loud sigh. "Lucy, I know a few phrases of their language and thats not exactly what you said," huffed Suzie.

The tribesmen all knelt down. Lucy made a grin. Suzie just looked scared. "Now they worship us," Lucy said.

The natives then quickly got up and pulled Lucy and Suzie towards the giant melting pot, pushed and pulled them up the ladder and jabbed the two scared women with their spears, indicating for them both to climb into the pot, which both of them did. Suzie turned her head to glare at Lucy with a look of fear and anger. Lucy just stared into space. "Lucy, you told them that on behalf of their sacred gods, that we should both be offered up to the tribe as their dinner!" Lucy knashed her teeth and made a wide leering face. "EWEEEEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWE!"she said while squinting her eyes and making the wide leering face.

Then at that moment, everybody there heard the loud, Tarzan movie yell from way off in the distance! "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The familair Tarzan call! Lucy and Suzie both cast surprised glances at each other!

At that moment, a tall, lithe, muscular man wearing a dark brown loin cloth suddenly jumped from out of nowhere's in the midst of all the tribal members. He had very long brown hair and he beat his chest with both fists! "IT"S HIM!" shouted Lucy and Suzie with their mouths drooped open with excitement and astonishment, "TARZAN JOHNNY WEISMULLER!"

The native men and women all rushed him, while shouting amongst themselves in their own language! The movie star fought off every single one of them with a collection/combination kicks, tosses, and judo throws!

The natives tossed spears at him! Johnny Weismuller dodged everyone of the spears and reacted with several kung fu like kicks into many of the black's groins. Ultimately everyone of them just ran off, terrified.

After the last of the natives was gone, then a huge buffalo showed up and charged the muscular built movie actor. Johnny just twirled his body out of the way, leaped ontop of the buffalo, grabbed both of the buffalo's horns and steered the animal roughly to the ground. Seconds later the scared animal just got up and charged off out of sight.

Lucy and Suzie just stood watching the scenes in fear and awe with their mouths open!

"Nothing to worry about now girls!" Johnny assured the two as he gave them the thumbs up. Lucy and Suzie both scampered out of the melting pot and down the ladder and rushed towards their half naked benefactor. They both just stared at him complete awe. Johnny Weismuller just stood there grinning at them. "TARZAN HIMSELF!" gasped Suzie with her mouth dropping open. "IF IT IS'NT THE LORD OF THE JUNGLE!" gasped Lucy as she too stared at him with her mouth falling open. "Maureen and I were filming some scenes from a late shot on our new jungle picture, and we thought you two needed help," Johnny grinned exuberantly.

"Hey you saved them Johnny!" Movie actress Maureen O Sullivan suddenly appeared from nowhere's wearing a white safari outfit. Her short brown hair cropped under her yellow pith helmet. Maureen nodded at the two women in front of her, "we saw all the activity from a distance and we thought for sure those natives would eat you,"said Maureen, "so we sent Johnny to save you." Johnny Wesimuller looked at Maureen O Sullivan and nodded at her. "This is my wife Jane"...

EPILOGUE-

_Lucy woke up suddenly from the awful dream! She just sat there in bed for a few minutes! She shook her long red and gray streaked hair. "We ended up as extras in the movie, and then the next day we got back on the S S Jess Oppenheimer for another stopover in Alaska," Lucy thought to herself as she slowly lay back down on the bed again. "I'm getting tired of Ricky staying so late at the club," she thought to herself in frustration._

_Lucy sat in the dark living room watching the black and white home movie the time that she and Fred and Ethel were at the horse races. She sat on the sofa in the dark laughing as the projector situated on the coffee table in front of the sofa, showed the whole funny episode on the screen at the front of the dark living room. _"_I recall that I got that piece of film from the security camera at the racetrack," thought Lucy as she laughed at the black and white film, "Ricky bribed them to give over the film to teach me a lesson, so he could show it to me sometime," Lucy thought to herself as she laughed and watched the film, "the time back in 1952 when I thought I ahd the perfect betting system...I thought I created the perfect system..."_

Lucy, Fred and Ethel all sat together in the horses racing track. Fred wore his best dark business suit and hat, Ethel wore her best white long sleeved dress and scarf, while Lucy wore brown blouse and hat. All three of them were cheering on the horses racing on the track far below them. "This system can't lose I tell you," Lucy assured her friends as she smiled and waved her fists in the air while watching the track below, "it's got to work!" "I hope so Lucy," said Ethel, "we already lost 500 dollars so far." "C'mon December 15!" Fred shouted down one of the horses, "we got two thousand betted on him!" Fred turned and looked sternly at Lucy. "WE GOT TWO THOUSAND BET ON DECEMBER 15!" Fred said loudly and bitterly to Lucy, "SO YOU BETTER BE RIGHT THIS TIME!" Lucy just stared down at the horses down below. "I'am Fred trust me," confided Lucy (Ethel sat between she and Fred), "December 15 is going to win!"

The voice of male race announcer boomed over the stadium: "AND THE WINNER OF THE RACE IS...BLUE DIAMONDS!"

Fred and Ethel both turned their heads and shot furious glares at Lucy. Lucy just sat there staring into space looking sorrowful and embarrassed. "WE'RE OUT TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS!" both shouted at Lucy. Lucy just sat there and broke into cry. "WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_Lucy ran her hand over the projector and switched off the old black and white film. She sat in darkness for a time. "I've had enough of Ricky coming home late after the club," she thought to herself with an annoyed look showing on her face," I've just had enough."_

_she glanced over annoyed at the digital clock. The numbers read 10.30 p.m. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," thought Lucy, looking clever, "have I got an idea." She pushed her gray eyebrows together..._

_Inside the nightclub, Ricky Ricardo danced alongside music legend Frank Sinatra while singing the song, That's LIfe! Both of them held microphones in their hands. Both of them wore white tuxedos including white pants and bow ties. There were beads of sweat on Ricky's long gray hair and his gray beard. The band behind both of the singers all wore eitheir white dresses or white tuxedos as well. The name of the nightclub: THE RICARDO NUMBER was painted in bold dark blue letters along the back wall of the club, the same type of logo, and the name of the club, was also painted on all the musical instruments each band member played behind Ricky Ricardo and Frank Sinatra. The club didn't have too many people in the audience that time of night, but the people who were there all clapped and cheered and grinned as if there was no tomorrow._

_The walls of the club were sparkling white, with art deco cartoon types pictures of a huge red tuba and a red drum decorated all over the walls and the floor. The tables and chairs were white also._

_Just then, Lucy, burst into the club wearing a leopard spotted, short sleeved, skirted outfit (leopard spots against orange) and black shoes. She was moving her body in a frenzy doing some jungle dance! The band stopped playing the song That's Life, and immediately switched to playing some african tribal music-complete with loud drums and bongos._

_Lucy jumped up in front of her husband and Frank Sinatra (both men just stood quickly watching her in complete surprise with their mouths drooped open, Ricky's eyes opened very wide with wonderment), and Lucy went on and on into a weird african dance, shaking her whole body and grinning at the same time! _

_Then, as if that wasn't enough, at that second a whole slew of lovely teenage girls, all wearing the same leopard outfits as Lucy, all came doing the same african jungle dance into the club and all joined Lucy on stage!_

_Frank Sinatra just there looking shocked. His mouth wide open as he stared at the african dance performers. "FROM THAT'S LIFE TO JOSEY AND THE PUSSYCATS!" shouted Frank._

_Ricky just dropped his microphone down on the phone, and looked up at the ceiling and slapped his hand over his bearded face!_

_Everybody in the audience just sat there, totally quiet. watching the bizarre show in shock with their mouths wide open!_


End file.
